What if I ...

I usually don't like Paris Hilton. I didn't like her reality show, I didn't like her music. I laughed when I saw her in House Of Wax and then I either don't like her « My New BFF » thing. However, she said something interesting one day :

« No matter what a woman looks like, if she’s confident, she’s sexy »

I must agree. I lacked of self-confidence so much long time ago, and I now understand that, even if I'm fat, even if I'm not a model, even if so much more thing, I could date with someone if I go on by myself. Then I tried to live by that quote everyday, and I must say it worked well.

HAPPY, chalalala ♪

I thought about something today. It was when I was in my mathematic class, listening to the same old shit I already understood two weeks ago. I'm always in a kind of oblivion when I listen to mathematics, so the only thing I can do is to think about... things and other things. Why not ? I cant do something better ; my agenda is already full of drawings, and the teacher freaks out if I speak to a friend. Anyway.

The thing is, I am happy being single. I don't feel obligated to rush into another relationship and put up with all its drama.

I said it. Congrat's, me.

Who's gonna miss this idiot ?

I hate people who try to impose their opinion. It's like those who always judge people... and god knows that there are many around ! I'm not one of those fake / pretty / fashion / blond hair / blue eyes stereotype girl so I often get judged. When it happens, believe me, your self-esteem get slapped ! It pisses me off when i'm talking to someone and she suddently says things like «OMG, this girl is so ugly» then i'm like «She isn't that bad» and she answers something like «Wathever, I THINK SHE'S UGLY AND THAT'S IT» . I think that imposing its judging is the worst thing ever. Anyway, that's the way it is... Unfortunately.

Tell me what ya want what ya really really want

Okay, let's talk a little bit. About one month and a half passes in a new school with new friends and new teachers. I love meeting people, but I feel so incomplete. Something is missing. I thought change would be great for me. I thought it would do something greater than great to solve my missing problem. I thought it would be great to be in another place with other people AND IT IS. However... there is something I lack. If someone know what it could be : Please tell me. I don't have a clue about what it could be. I'm only looking, looking and looking again. Did I say that I was looking for something ? Because I seriously am. Do I look for money, for success or for some kind of thing to be proud of ? Do I want to look better and to feel more attractive and more wanted ? Do I do the same than almost all the teenagers in this world : Look for love ? I don't think so. I'm looking for something MORE. Or something LESS. See, I don't know what I want. Maybe I want to learn something new, something that will make my life better. Or maybe I only want to feel comfortable and free. If I don't know what I want, at least I know what I do not want. I don't want to have a painful life full of regrets. So I try everyday to do the best, to look kinda good and to talk to everyone I meet. I don't want to be with stupid people with stupid ambition but I either don't want to be alone AND stupid. I know I don't want to be more popular and to feel so praised and so admired. I'm okay with the people around me ! I'm not looking for the BIG LOVE. Well not yet. Now I want to flirt, to date and to do things that teens are supposed to do. Maybe this is what I want : To feel kinda normal.

Summer always ends

Ok let's get started . I'm going to begin the school in fews days and exceptionally this year I can't wait to . I'm going to see all of my friends or so that I missed this summer . There will be new folks and some will become friends ... well I think so . AND I will have the chance to learn more about those people I know since my secondary 1 but the circumstances made that I wasn't able to know them truly . But I know there is going to be so much more this year :) .

Anyway , I made a short (realy short lol) list of those things in my summer that were great and I decided to talk about it .

1. Trip to France

Like everyone or almost in the world know , I passed 10 days in France in May . I loved it :) . Let's do a little summary of the event . First , I took the plane at Boston to land at Paris . We went to the Louvre and because of the jet lag we were so much tired . Then we met our tour guide , Ronen , and the people of Rivière-du-Loup that we were traveling with . There were awesome, all of them ! The day after , we looked up on Paris and only fews of its attractions (I'm talking about the Triumphal arch, the Eiffel Tower, " Les champs Élysées " , etc. ) . I have only two words to say , those are SHOP and ING :) .

Then we left Paris to go to Tours . During those two days , we dropped by three castles (Chambort , Chenonceau , Amboise ) and we paid a visit to Léonard Da Vinci :) . Next , we were off to Lyon ! I can't deny it , it were great . I just loved this city . On the next day , we visited both Arles and Avignon but we sleeped at Orange :D .

And that's when the weather started to be hot ! We took a lot of beautiful pictures at " Le pont de la guard " , enjoyed a boat ride at Cassis , bought perfume which smell so very good at Graisse and had a good time in our fabulous hotel at Cannes . During our last day of travelling , we went to Monaco and to the beach at Nice . It was simply wonderful .

2. Prom night ?! lol

It wasn't the Prom at all , only a dinner and a party for us (ex-students of Forimont) and it was... good ? lol . The dinner was ok , we took a lot of pictures of us and everyone were looking so good (L) . The party was great , well I think so ahaha :D . I had a lot of fun with my old odd friends :) !

3. Fort-Causap

It was so fun . I'm not going to summarize it all , but I must say a word about gettin' drunk with Valérie :D . I love her because she's so funny when she's drunk ahahaha . Ummmh... Well , I enjoyed the festival and so much more of those crazy nights with my beautiful people <3>

4. Many campfires with many beautiful friends

Well , it was realy nice . I can't describe it with the appropriate words , so look at the pictures :) !

Veux-tu être mon ami ?

Je sais pas pour vous, mais j’aime être en compagnie d’une personne que j’apprécie sans nécessairement faire quelque chose d’hyper intéressant ; Juste aller prendre une marche, niaiser sur le bort de la piscine ou encore tout simplement parler de tout et de rien. Je pense que pas mal tout le monde peut prétendre avoir des amis, a moins d'être trop indépendants ou solitaires et, par le fait même, être incapable de lier un quelconque attachement. Parfois, pendant des moments pénibles, le support et les opinions d'un ami peut être énormément pratique, voir précieux. Et c'est justement à partir de ses moments là qu'on peut construire une véritable amitié : Si la dite amitié dure avec les hauts et les bas de la vie quotidienne, alors c'est qu'elle est bien réelle. Je ne pense pas qu'un ami arrive dans notre vie du jour au lendemain, au contraire, ça prend du temps. C'est pourquoi il ne faut pas confondre une véritable amitié avec des amis qui sont surtout des connaissances en fait. Ma grand-mère m'a bien souvent dit que les amitiés les plus solides se comptaient sur les doigts d'une main, et elle avait raison, car l'amitié vraie et sincère est bien rare de nos jours. Il arrive souvent qu'on croit en quelqu'un comme étant notre ami, même parfois notre meilleur ami, et en bout de ligne c'est le désapointement total.

Mais c'est quoi une amitié ? Théoriquement, c'est : « Affection réciproque, attachement mutuel entre deux personnes » ou encore « Sentiment d'affection et de sympathie qu'une personne éprouve pour une autre ». Cependant, de mon point de vue, une amie est beaucoup plus que ça. C'est avant tout une personne qui est disponible en tout temps pour m'écouter, me conseiller et me consoler. Elle est là pour m'encourager dans ce que je veux entreprendre et aussi pour apprécier les joies les plus simples de la vie, et vice versa. Parce que parfois, on a seulement besoin d'un bon fou-rire, d'une simple conversation ou de quelques conneries pour repartir du bon pied.

Tout ça pour dire que mes amis m'ont fait évoluer. En 4 ans, j'ai enfin compris qui étaient les meilleurs d'entre eux et qui étaient les autres qui n'en valent tout simplement pas la peine. En les regardants agir, j'ai appris qui je voulais être et a qui je ne voulais absolument pas ressembler. C'était pourtant évident, mais bon. Je suis fière d'avoir fait le ménage dans ma vie en quelque sorte. De plus, je vois maintenant la vie sous un autre angle. J'ai bien des problèmes (plus graves que ceux de la pauvre fille de mon age qui a des problèmes de couple « catastrophique », mais à la fois énormément moins grave que l'adolescente aussi de mon age qui crève de faim au tiers monde) et c'est justement ses problèmes qui ont fait de moi la fille que je suis. Ça fait maintenant plus de 2 ans que ça dure et aujourd'hui j'ai l'impression d'avoir été poussée dans '' le monde des grands '' sans y avoir été préparé. J'ai du prendre mes responsabilités '' d'adultes '' à deux mains alors que les personnes de mon age s'amusaient tout bonnement. Je suis bien consciente que je ne suis pas le cas le plus vulnérable dans le monde, au contraire... Inconsciemment peut-être, mes amis m'ont fait prendre conscience que la vie, malgré tout, est belle. Je suis désormais plus optimiste, positive. Je me fais confiance et j'avance sans l'aide superflu de certaines personnes. Bref, je vis ma propre vie, chose que je ne faisait pas il y a à peine 6 mois.

I'm only 15 and I feel like i'm 51

When the world says, ''Give up,''
Hope whispers, ''Try it one more time.''

Well , the only person on earth who's ever understood my cabbalistic person died 23 days ago . I feel empty . I wasn't able to see her so sick , but now I realise that I can't stand to be away from her . I love her so much , but I must let her go . I think we're meant to lose the people we love ; how else would we know how important they are to us ? I will never forget... She was so proud of me when I told her my good score ; She was always happy when I was speaking english in front of her because she was way good when she was younger ; She was laughing when I was eating ice cream and she was stunned when I wasn't ; People were often telling me '' you're pretty ! '' or '' you aren't fat , girl '' , but she is the first one I believed . I was special in her eyes , like she was in mine . She was one of a kind , the only one . I was with her beloved company till the end . I miss her . Some says she's happy now . I hope it so much . My grand-mother doesn't deserve to be sad at all .